Day 364 Record Keeping
Day 333 Fixed Meditation (single pointed)
Day 279 Bodyweight Exercise (bridges)
Day 206 Writing (a lot of editing)
Day 379 Eating = 76
Day 136 Work = PAUSED
Day 14 Dynamic Meditation = 57 (50 min)
Great sleep, great wakeup. Was very charged to break out of plateaus. Did something difficult in each of the things I’ve been slacking in. I did single pointed meditation - several sets. I really worked hard on my bridging, trying to get up to the flexibility I had in the past. I managed to do a walk down wall bridge, and then walked back up (I haven’t been able to do this as well since I was traveling and got sick). And I did a lot of editing to get a work article ship shape to publish.
My work habit is paused - I have this thing at work, and it may be that I won’t be able to do that particular work anymore. But, as Lydia said, this is a Good Thing. I’ve been struggling with it, and I really want to get my pitch, write, edit cycle down pat. And this is something I fear a lot - Pressfield says that your fears point to true north - those are things you need to be working and battling at the MOST. For me, that’s my writing habit.
I’ve decided to take it like this - if I have my work habit - great. If not, there’s plenty of stuff I can be attacking, and I’ll drop it no problem with no guilt, anxiety, or worry.

Dynamic Med Notes (50 min):
x5 fidgeting
X3 tension
x4 jealousy
x1 sadness
x5 not laughter so much as satisfaction - SATISFACTION that’s REALLY IMPORTANT!
x6 the opposite dissatisfaction with the moment
Staying with it but control and observation is difficult really bounce back from one to the other. As I observe it’s almost amusing, like an old friend. Turbulence, starting falling into the emotions,tired from the work, at the end it fizzled out.

Notes: 

That last bit probably made no sense. What I meant was that I’m starting to see these arisings as generalities. So instead of lip picking, finger flicking, etc it’s just “fidgeting.” At the same time there are a lot of little subtle different emotions that arise that are just generally “unsatisfaction with the moment.” When I realize recognize that, I surge into satisfaction, or laughter. What I called laughter before is better summed up now is intense satisfaction - this is important because in Buddhism what is translated as “suffering” is better translated as the unsatisfactoriness of experience.

The two emotions started bouncing back and forth. I felt unsatisfaction, then made it satisfactory, and became almost like an old friend - like hey, I knew that was coming, and there was a certain amusement that arose.

maybe it’s key to just do it in that manner - just recording satisfaction and non satisfaction, and whenever I’m just not paying attention - that’s how this practice fizzled out, I just had amnesia and forgot to continue monitoring my mind.