Today the task was to write about 3 moments where I did and didn’t do something based on the fear of rejection.

The first 3 moments I wrote about were things I didn’t do - but these weren’t based on a fear of rejection, they were just a general inability to speak up. Although this was the wrong assignment, I noticed specific sensations, and the feeling was of wasted opportunities that could have been really amazing.

I rewrote it again to specifically address the prompt, and found a whole new set of emotions and recurring themes - that of the inability to adequately explain my actions to people were rejecting me.

I find it interesting that in each of these exercises there is a unique physical sensation I experience. For humiliating experiences, it’s a feeling of heat in my throat and in my face. For successes that created problems, it’s a hot anger tightening my throat and what I can only describe as a blush focused on my chest. For potential wasted, it’s a pit opening up in my stomach and the beginnings of a frown. And for opportunities not taken due to fear of rejection it’s a rising heat at my solar plexus.

I don’t know what this means, but I think these can act as anchoring points so that I know when I’m going through negative patterns - kind’ve like how shallow quick breathing signifies stress and deliberately manipulating the physicality can often change the mental state.