Self-Discipline in 10 Days - Putting it All Together

The book has taken me through several days of exploration into my psychology and tools use to overcome drags. Here it starts to put it all together.

The book surprised me early on by moving left while other self-help books moved right. So in the early stages the exercises were meant to show me a dark mirror  to pinpoint exactly the psychological weaknesses holding me back from success and progress. The book does it again here - it suggests deciding what to do, and then writing down what I can gain, and more importantly, what I have to lose. To lose, it means things that you’ll have to give up - things that could possibly go wrong, things I wont like doing, etc. In this manner, we foresee what will drag on us during the action phase.

When I write about this for 750words, a lot of stuff comes out - success with this will help me directly with work, but indirectly it will help me with creating habits, and I have a lot of habits and hopes riding on this. So it’s understandable why I would be afraid of continuing, because a  lot can potentially hand in the balance.

It also makes all my current flaws bearable because it I know it’s contributing to a process of mastery - in a very real sense, doing 750 words will help me in every field I need discipline in, from health and fitness to mental well being. And it will anyway because it’s building discipline, and based on the current research, building discipline in any one field increases discipline in all fields.

Looking at my writing history on 750 words, I’ve failed, but this is all information that is mapable, and these foibles will help me in the next task, AND in analyzing habit formation in general, which is the entire game. Knowing these things will help me, according to the book, sail clearly with fewer drags in my action stage.

Lowering the Bar to Fight Pefectionism

The last few days were ground breaking in terms of dealing with perfectionism.

One of the exercises Self Discipline in 10 Days suggested was to write a mediocre email to a friend - which hit home because I usually double and triple check all my emails.

I blew up the other day when making mistakes in cooking like I usually do, so I decided to cook  two meals where I said from the beginning - “I’m going to cook an average meal”.

The real ground breaking thing was doing it for work. Normally my writing is fine - but the problem is that I double and triple and quadruple check things to eternity because I think that “upon this one assignment the rest of my career lies.”

The problem with that mentality is that it makes me procrastinate - I get paralyzed. And in this case, there are other checks - The editor likes me, it’s a decent article already, I have good photography, the editor can reword things, I have a working relationship with the publication, and it’s going to be translated immediately into Chinese. It’s also an unknown publication in the West.

My career does not ride on this not in any way shape or form.

Yet I block my workflow for days trying to chip away at this.

So I wrote a rough draft, made a few changes, and that’s it. Done.I’m not saying I handed in a horrible article. It was good. But I ended up cutting out a lot of the mental stress that usually goes into the process.

Here’s what I need to work on - 1. make a list with specific small tasks. 2. do more of the “average task” exercises. 3. come up with a workflow. Another technique that I should nudge into motion is the idea of rewards that are partial points to a bigger reward.

Self-Discipline in 10 Days - Day 10

This chapter describes the “something terrible will happen” mentality. Many if not all of us subconsciously go through a litany of bad circumstances if we try something new because it preserves our ego. Which is fine, but the downside is it prevents you from trying new things,  having the discipline to proceed, and paralyzes you.

This is something I have in spades.

The book suggests several solutions. Talk to yourself with your intellect to combat the emotional voice of your fears. The exercise for the day is something that almost every self-help book says - write down your goals. But it goes further - write them down concretely and divide them up to as many small steps as possible.

Part of the reason I procrastinate is because I see a task as a whole - why bother beginning when the entire task is so large - in my mind I have to swallow it whole in order to accomplish the task. Relax and writing it up quickly will prevent your emotional fear based subconscious to rise up. State specifics, state why you want to reach the goal and list many steps.

I believe that listing as many steps is key here because it acts to break down fear. Micro steps like “opening up a word processor” are really the most difficult tasks, and by getting constant successes by crossing out or checking it off on a list builds momentum.

I really should come up with a standard list for writing an article. Something like - opening up the word processor, opening up the assignment brief, writing one sentence, getting ¼ of the way, ½, ¾, and a first draft, then starting editing, halfway point at editing, etc. 

Self-Discipline in 10 Days - Day 9

Day 9 talks about preparation - it’s one of my favorite concepts in self-help - that luck is simply where “preparation meets opportunity.”

“The harder I work, the luckier I get.”

The exercise makes a connection between relaxation and discipline - the more relaxed you are, the more disciplined you are.

I knew that there was an indirect connection, but when I think of my own response to self discipline I find this correlation fairly true. When I stress, I get more like a perfectionist, and I also get stressed which leads me directly into procrastination.

The book advocates practicing relaxing through tensing and relaxing muscles. I find deep breath work works even better, and I’ve recently started working with pranayama for relaxation. The most relaxed and focused I’ve ever felt was in a yoga class - and I recently contacted that specific teacher to see if he had published anything regarding pranayama - he had, an album that I just downloaded on iTunes. I’ll get into that in another post.

Self-Discipline in 10 Days - Day 8

Day 8 talks about how real self change occurs in the middle of comfort and blowing the stress out of proportion.

If something is intolerable, you start to think of it in perfectionist terms - “why bother starting if I’m going to fail?”

At the same time, growth occurs when you are uncomfortable.

The book’s exercise in this chapter is to come up with a set of affirmations, each written down in three different ways - in first, second, and third person, always in present tense, always written in the positive.

The book suggests writing down any negative thoughts associated with your written affirmations, as this can give you more insight into the way your mind works. Keep repeating your affirmations, and keep evolving them.

Self-Discipline in 10 Days - Day 7

Day 7 is another problem I have - perfectionism. And this ties with the previous problem when it comes to me and tasks like writing - I see a blank page as a deterrent because I want more than anything for my words to come out perfect the first time, when in reality, getting the ball rolling and editing later is the best course of action. You, in effect, “see the whole board” rather than having to edit and critique and write in one go.

There are several tools and exercises in this chapter - one is to purposefully do something that is mediocre. I feel like I do this every day with 750 words, and will be doing something similar with NaNoWriMo. The book’s example is hilarious - write a average email to a friend - this hits home because I usually check and recheck everything I write.

The next tool is world-opening for me - private rewards - give yourself a private praise for any even mildly small task of success. I’m such a pessimist that my internal monologue is filled with either emptiness or constant disparagement. IF I do accomplish something, I immediately say - wow I could have done better, I can do better in the future, what can I do to get better - which is essentially criticism. I have no praise in my internal monologue, and it solves the problem of finding rewards that don’t contradict my own system. The book specifically says to try to give that voice of encouragement the same voice of someone in your past who used to give you encouragement - I’ll have to think about this, because I don’t know if there ever was such a voice. But it emphasizes to use this quickly and constantly.

Contracts are another exercise - but I’ve never really understood them because I don’t really have that many rewards, nor do I have many wants. Until I really started thinking about it. If I do this, I’ll buy the XX that I really wanted - usually it deals with material possessions, which I don’t want. And the few times I really indulge in food - well it’s random and I go ahead and do it. But one example from the book has to do with putting down money for a specific vacation or something like that. For me it would be training programs. What would I want?  But more than that - a hypnosis lesson. A Biofeedback lesson or device. A meditation course.  My problem is that my life has been pared down to two things - things I must do. And spillage. So - when I think of getting a DSLR camera I think - this is something I must do. When I get a nice meal at a restaurant - it’s spillage. And I think my rewards have to be things that don’t really fit - a hypnosis course would be great, but I think of it as an excess that is frivolous - it’s expensive, and I don’t need it now because I’m not ready for it.

The book says to actually write these down. This gets all the more confusing because I write about travel, something I love so that’s not exactly a reward, it’s more of work.

The last bit of advice is to use rewards for bits of a project rather than for the entire result - my life has been so maniacally result oriented that I forget that it’s the action undertaken that makes the difference - which is the root of my perfectionism and procrastination, and therefore depression.

Exercise - make an active list of rewards (and the books says keep it active, simple in writing, and fun) “irresistible pleasures” - I’ve come up with a list that’s equal parts courses, random things I’ve selected from the internet, and random pinterest selections.

Self-Discipline in 10 Days - Days 6

So Day 6 switches from this list of looking inside seeing how your weaknesses affect you and starts given active tools. Day 6 is about the “All or Nothing” approach - the idea that you won’t start anything unless you can do it all - I have this problem in spades - I usually have the mentality that doing something partially won’t give me any rewards whatsoever when it’s rarely the case. Even half attempted projects can have a bearing on you and your character, as well as being a learning experience - you still, in effect, learn the points, even if - and some would say especially if - you fail.

Visualization is the tool for this chapter, which isn’t something that shocking, but it’s a tool that I use rarely despite it being so obvious. Visualize yourself doing something in the now, and you’re likely to do it in the future. On one hand it’s a bolstering of the self, but perhaps more practically, it’s systematic desensitivity against fear. I should really try this when I’m finding ways to procrastinate.

Self-Discipline in 10 Days - Days 4, 5

Both days involve the same pattern - Day 4 involved delving into experiences in which you were held back by fear of mediocrity - again a specific spot was triggered and specific words were sprinkled throughout my writing.

Day 5 was about moments where you took a risk, and you failed - you looked back and said “Wow, I wish I hadn’t done that.”

While writing this exercise I was filled, in all cases, with a sense of almost blinding anger. I did not expect this reaction at all, but it underscored what a great exercise this is.

Self-Discipline in 10 Days - Day 3

Today the task was to write about 3 moments where I did and didn’t do something based on the fear of rejection.

The first 3 moments I wrote about were things I didn’t do - but these weren’t based on a fear of rejection, they were just a general inability to speak up. Although this was the wrong assignment, I noticed specific sensations, and the feeling was of wasted opportunities that could have been really amazing.

I rewrote it again to specifically address the prompt, and found a whole new set of emotions and recurring themes - that of the inability to adequately explain my actions to people were rejecting me.

I find it interesting that in each of these exercises there is a unique physical sensation I experience. For humiliating experiences, it’s a feeling of heat in my throat and in my face. For successes that created problems, it’s a hot anger tightening my throat and what I can only describe as a blush focused on my chest. For potential wasted, it’s a pit opening up in my stomach and the beginnings of a frown. And for opportunities not taken due to fear of rejection it’s a rising heat at my solar plexus.

I don’t know what this means, but I think these can act as anchoring points so that I know when I’m going through negative patterns - kind’ve like how shallow quick breathing signifies stress and deliberately manipulating the physicality can often change the mental state.

Self-Discipline in 10 Days - Day 2

Today’s reading dealt with the fear of failure and problems with success. Often our issues with success tend to lead to self-sabotaging of any goal, and I have noticed this in particular on many occasions with my own psychology.

The exercise was to write about 3 instances in which I achieved success but this success caused problems for me.

This was interesting because, like before, each of these instances caused the same physical reaction - a clenching of the throat, the beginnings of anger - and the description of how I felt kept on recurring throughout each experience. I felt like all my sacrifices had been in vain, and I felt extreme bitterness.

That analysis is not something I would have ever thought - I never thought it would the feelings and emotions and recurring thoughts would be the same across disparate experiences.

Like the previous exercise, there were no additional directions. But I do like this - I feel like I’m delving into weak points of myself that I’ve never really confronted head-on before, and I’m very curious to see where this goes.

Self-Discipline in 10 Days - Day 1

Just started the book Self Discipline in 10 Days: How to Go from Thinking to Doing by Theodore Bryant.

I initially heard about this book on one of Reddit’s sub-forums on discipline (http://www.reddit.com/r/GetMotivated/). What attracted me to the book was that it provided a series of exercises, some of which one Redditor described as “painful” practices to get through self-discipline problems.

The exercise part was attractive because I feel too many books offer intellectual explanations without engendering any real change. The painful part is not because I’m a masochist, but because I realize that there are deep emotional demons that can affect a personals psychological relationship to success, and I know I’ve got some issues I’d like the opportunity to work through.

The first exercise which I completed had to do with writing down 3 times in your life (2 in childhood) where you suffered immense humiliation. This was very painful, but interesting in that the specific feelings I experienced in bringing up the experiences were exactly the same. I’m assuming the book is connecting humiliation with getting over fear of failure -but  it remains to be seen what the exercise will do to provide forward progress in the realm of self-discipline.

Power of Habit and the Number of Games

I read the Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg a while ago. One of the  things it discussed was the research going on related to self discipline and will power.

Basically it says that self discipline is one skill that can be worked out like a muscle. So working self discipline in one arena will inevitably help you out in another arena. But, it also acts like one depleteable resource - stretch yourself to thin, and all endeavors collapse.

What does this mean for this project? I have a number of skills I want to explore gamification with, but I don’t want the whole house of cards to collapse on me. So I’m going to be adding skills one at a time slowly.

This week I’m just really focusing Duolingo and I’ll add another skill after a week. I’m curious how slow or fast I can add skills before suffering any sort of strain to the addiction of playing these games.