Day 181 Record Keeping
Day 149 Fixed Meditation
Day 95 Bodyweight Exercise (3 bridges, 30 sec/25 sec 1 arm 1 leg planks)
Day 22 Writing = 48
Day 195 Eating = 69
Great sleep, great wakeup. Mood change to happy

Satiety in Endurance Repletion

Yeah so this change in recording had an immediate effect on my mood. I feel light and breezy. And I feel it’s important, no matter how silly, to really keep track of these adjectives. Pressure, busting a gasket, seepage, crumbling for endurance depletion, light and breezy for endurance repletion, and crispness for automaticity.

But whatever the words, the effect was dramatic yesterday. Work was easy, I had this sense of concentration and focus during work, and I wanted to do more. It was hard to get to sleep because I had this restlessness at night, like I could do more.

And in terms of leakage…I felt ….satiated. When I’m under pressure it’s like some part of me wants to break my willpower in other activities - like it’s searching for release. And I end up cheating in some way - indulging in more alcohol or food or even sleep - as though this is somehow akin to filling the void within.

And yesterday I felt satiated with everything. And though there was a bit of a restlessness, it was a satisfied restlessness.

As I progress there’s another type of satisfaction I keep getting to - the satisfaction of working bit by bit to a goal. Often times I feel incredibly irritable and depressed because I can’t do everything NOW. And although i logically know that working bit by bit is a good way to get to any goals it’s not ground into my moment to moment awareness. It’s as though I keep forgetting this rule.

But my progress in this project is rapidly bearing fruit. I can control my emotions better. I’ve been able to hold to this project for half a year continually. My eating is almost at 200 days. And I’m seeing steady progress in my bodyweight exercises. All of this helps me dredge the memory of small progress up to my conscious mind, which helps me deal with momentary setbacks.

And this in turn gives me a bourgeoning sense of confidence - a deep feeling that is coming more and more to the fore that all goals, no matter how far, can be bridged by habitual practice.