Day 815, Total and Utter Depletion

Day 815 Record Keeping
Day 787 Fixed Meditation (did not do)
Day 661 Writing (did not do)
Day 201 Rowing (did not do )
—–
Eating
Day 39 Pantry Check (72)
Day 37 Recording (80)
—–
Good sleep, good but tired wakeup. 

Total and Utter Depletion
It’s been an exhausting day.

After about a week of depletion, I woke up today with absolutely no energy whatsoever. I did, however, automatically do a pantry check, which was good, and food recording. But writing, rowing, meditation…just didn’t happen. I slept a lot today.

From a willpower/endurance perspective, I can understand this depletion. I’ve been pushing rowing what with my HIIT program, I’ve been pushing writing by doing a project I consider incredibly difficult, and my meditation has been intense lately and I’ve been trying to extend the time. I’ve also added two eating habits.

From a pure carbohydrate/caloric perspective, my pantry check and food recording have both had me more attentive to food. According to MyNetDiary, the food recording program I’ve been using, I’ve been under my calorie goal since Monday May 9th. That’s under the amount I’ve inputted in order to make my goal weight by November (not a serious goal, just something the program had me input), which is itself a lower caloric threshold. And quite a few days I’ve been under a thousand calories.

Today Lydia suggested I take the day off. I nodded but secretly kept trying to get up the energy to just start to end the week on a high note. After flopping around a bit I realized there was no way I was going to get anything done, but I still have this odd fight in my head.

I still think that this game is about fighting the good fight, character flaws, and motivation rather than fuel in a tank. You don’t ask a car to magically summon up forward motion. If there’s no gas in the tank, you find some way to get gas in there rather than giving the car a stern lecture.

If I can sense a lack of energy, I shouldn’t be berating myself or summoning up anything. I have a list of things I can try. Eating more, since some experiments suggest that glucose can replete willpower. Watching funny videos to improve my mood or perhaps some types of meditation. Altering my schedule and the type of work I’m doing - perhaps by not pushing multiple skills at the same time. Or taking a three day weekend and letting stores replenish.

Emotional self flagellation is not the way out. God knows I’ve tried that enough in the past without any benefits. Since I’m not the type of person that just uses anything as an excuse to take time off, there must be a reason, and strategically combatting that reason is the way out.

So today I ate a lot, and finally had a high calorie and high carb day. I’m very curious how this affects me tomorrow, or if I’ll have to take other measures to insure a smoother allocation of energy throughout the week.

Day 814

Day 814 Record Keeping
Day 786 Fixed Meditation (did not do)
Day 660 Writing
Day 200 Rowing (did not do )
—–
Eating
Day 38 Pantry Check (69)
Day 36 Recording (80)
—–
Good sleep, good but tired wakeup. This was yet another day where I was utterly depleted. Did amazing amazing work in writing today despite dragging myself to my work desk and forcing myself to work. I feel like I’ve been working a lot on this particular project to no avail. But today I’m really close to finishing and it sounds worlds better than it did before. By my calculations I’ve honed roughly 10,000 words of brainstorming and writing down into 190 words. It’s the hardest bit of writing I’ve done, but I’ve managed to do it because I’ve sat at my desk and forced myself to work at it through this habit every day for only 30 minutes at a time.

There are times when I wonder if I’m making the right decision by this steady yet small approach. Today it feels vindicated.

Was super tired and Lydia suggested I take a day off from rowing. I think it was needed, but it also resulted in me not doing my meditation. 

I think it was a good decision. I definitely had more of a lighter day mentally and had the energy to do some intense cleaning and cooking. 

Very close to a superhabit with food recording. Will have to brainstorm what other habits it’s time to add.

Day 811

Day 811 Record Keeping
Day 783 Fixed Meditation (23 min)
Day 657 Writing
Day 197 Rowing (30 min/ 5400 m)
—–
Eating
Day 35 Pantry Check (71)
Day 33 Recording (79)
—–
Horrible sleep, bad wakeup. I think I drank some coffee later in the day, resulting in horrible sleep. Also incredibly depleted - just feel exhausted today. But, I did everything! 

I’m hoping all this will normalize once my two eating habits are solid superhabits. It is usually what happens - a period of feeling exhausted, followed by a period of feeling energetic and chomping at the bit to do way too much. 

I also have to remember I’ve also been pushing rowing by adding in HIITs, and though that’s going well, it has to have an impact on the system as a whole.

Bit by bit!

Day 778

Day 778 Record Keeping
Day 750 Fixed Meditation (Did not do)
Day 624 Writing
Day 164 Rowing (did not do)
—–
Eating
Day 2 Pantry Check (42)
—–
Horrible sleep, good wakeup. Felt really depleted today. Today was supposed to be a HIIT, couldn’t face that or just a regular row. Emotional ups and downs yesterday and today. Since workout didn’t happen it didn’t trigger fixed meditation. Did do the first instance of my food recording, but because it occurs at the end of the day it will be recorded on the next morning.

Day 776

Day 776 Record Keeping
Day 748 Fixed Meditation (15 min)
Day 622 Writing
Day 162 Rowing (HIIT 10 min/ 1:1)
Horrible sleep, bad wakeup. Felt totally depleted, but got into the swing of things - there is something very comforting about the ritual of getting coffee, sitting down at my desk, and listening to music. Once I’m on that path, things get easier. Something to keep in mind when I delve into the role of rituals and habits.

Day 457

Day 457 Record Keeping
Day 426 Fixed Meditation
Day 372 Bodyweight Exercise (3 bridges)
Day 299 Writing (research, 3 articles, 1 hour)
Day 472 Eating (64)
Day 107 Dynamic Meditation = 79 (20 min)
Day 54 Marketing = 69 (actionable task)
Good sleep, good wakeup. Yesterday had a bout of complete depletion. Today reversed order and worked on my big writing push first, which was much better. Still feeling that restlessness and depression, but I think that’s pretty normal when starting to really push something.

Dynamic Meditation Notes (20 minutes):
x3 fidgeting, minor

Writing (3 articles in 1 hour):
-Started in the morning with this.
-things progressed faster

Day 442

Day 442 Record Keeping
Day 411 Fixed Meditation
Day 357 Bodyweight Exercise (25 lb kbell tabata)
Day 284 Writing (editing)
Day 457 Eating
Day 92 Dynamic Meditation = 80 (3 hour)
Day 39 Marketing = 68 (editing)
Great sleep, great wakeup. So yeah yesterday I skipped recording despite doing quite a bit of my habits - I was completely utterly depleted, and I think I know the reason, which I will blog about next.

Dynamic Med Notes (3 hour):
No real arisings - low level irritation but it as all quickly controlled. Could I actually be improving?