Day 1516 - Moved Back to the States

Day 1516 Record Keeping
Day 1487 Fixed Meditation (10 min, vipassana)
Day 1362 Writing (7 13 min Pomodoros)
Day 901 Rowing (35 min walk)
Day 642 Mobility/Stretching (DID NOT DO)
Day 292 Social Media (STOPPED)XX
–
Ok sleep. 

Moved back to the States.

It's been less than 2 weeks. I've surprised myself being pretty consistent with meditating and writing a lot, despite not recording it. Since I had to sell my rower in Spain (along with everything else), rowing has to officially change. Right now I'm just trying to get up to walking, biking, and maybe some kayaking. It's been hard - we missed one of our flights back and were "only 15 hours late arriving" (as my mother said). This resulted in some pretty massive jet lag. I also got sick for what seemed like the 10th time this year. 

This is a huge transition for me, the end of a full decade of living abroad as an expat.  What with all the change, I haven't had time to really think what I want my workout regiment to be. I'm seriously considering GMB Fitness, an excellent bodyweight program Lydia does with progressions. The more I hear about it the more impressed I am. 

I'm still contemplating reinstating my social media habit. I've put it on hold after reading Cal Newport's book on Deep Work. I definitely want to hold off on it until I get my proposal in. My procrastination protocol is still working like a charm even in this, the hardest writing assignment I've ever had.

One of the biggest reasons we came back was hitting a wall with mastering eating. Eating is a real lynchpin habit to me - it governs energy, aesthetics, health, and is a stepping off point for a lot of other skills I'd like to master.  But in Spain, it hit a wall - there wasn't enough space to store premade meals. Our meal prep was contingent on going to 3 or 4 stores to get ingredients. And that didn't even count for all lunches or any dinners. One of our main schemes with coming back to the States was the knowledge that it would be easier here.

And it has. The last week we went to the store, and bought all ingredients for a week. Easily. Hand chopping salads? Why bother, when they come in bags! You don't even need to zoodle your own veggie, they come pre zoodled! Making lunches has been utterly effortless, exactly what I want self change to be. And Lydia is going further with it. She wants to cook through paleo cookbooks and have a randomized list for dinners, so even the act of making a menu doesn't even come up at all!

I'm beginning to think that moving back was a really good decision strategically. Sure it's definitely easy to lose it with all the easy access to delicious food. But it's also really easy to make changes. I'll miss Spain but right now I think it's already paying off. 

Day 801

Day 801 Record Keeping
Day 773 Fixed Meditation (Did not do)
Day 647 Writing (interrupted)
Day 187 Rowing (did not do)
—–
Eating
Day 25 Pantry Check (67)
Day 23 Recording (75)
—–
Good sleep, good wakeup. Lydia came back today and I had to pick her up, which interrupted my routine. Still, continued with writing and my eating habits even if I didn’t discharge my others. Will probably try to do some of them tomorrow.

Day 792

Day 792 Record Keeping
Day 764 Fixed Meditation (26 min)
Day 638 Writing
Day 178 Rowing (20 min/ 3200 m)
—–
Eating
Day 16 Pantry Check (64)
Day 14 Recording (68)
—–
Ok sleep, ok wakeup. Got up early despite staying out late. Was very tired when I got back, but very automatically performed my food recording. Those tiny eating habits are progressing quite quickly.

Day 731

Day 731 Record Keeping
Day 703 Fixed Meditation
Day 577 Writing (82) SUPERHABIT
Day 117 Rowing
Day 5 Eating (13)
Day 5 Early Wakeup (12)
Great sleep, slow wakeup. Did not wakeup, did not do my morning eating - both ok because I’m still testing it out. Writing (or rather, my WORK habit as it has evolved into now) has maintained an 80+ for the last week so I’m no longer recording it.

Day 622

Day 622 Record Keeping (44)
Day 591 Fixed Meditation (70)
Day 464 Writing (55)
Day 8 Rowing (54) 
Day 637 Eating (51)
Good sleep, great wakeup. Eating is really lagging and I haven’t been eating completely clean this past week. But I had already gone into this phase - working on NaNoWriMo, starting rowing, getting all my habits back on track - with the understanding that I’m not going to be too concerned with eating.

Day 556

Day 556 Record Keeping (73)
Day 525 Fixed Meditation
Day 471 Bodyweight Exercise (2 typewriter pushups - 73)
Day 398 Writing (79)
Day 571 Eating (76)
Bad sleep, groggy wakeup. Really depleted due to bad sleep. Yet I still did my writing. I did have to go down to my minimum in bodyweights - was feeling depleted and still feel tired. 

Day 555

Day 555 Record Keeping (77)
Day 524 Fixed Meditation
Day 470 Bodyweight Exercise (3x8 inverted bent knee rows - 69)
Day 397 Writing (82)
Day 570 Eating (80)
Great sleep, groggy wakeup. Last night was totally depleted - I don’t know if it was because of my updated workout regiment or because I had a particularly intense session of meditation. Excellent progress in my meditation. Last night I was able to get into first jhana and maintain it for two sessions of 45 minutes while watching tv. I tried it as an experiment on trying to relax. I’ll talk about this separately. Writing continuing to improve in a process oriented way as I jump the rapidly decreasing chasm of fear. Eating, also excellent. Nervous about inverted rows on the chinup bar - it slipped today, thinking about an alternative.

Day 552

Day 552 Record Keeping (68)
Day 521 Fixed Meditation
Day 467 Bodyweight Exercise (6 rounds tabatas - 68)
Day 394 Writing (66)
Day 567 Eating (73)
Ok sleep, good wakeup. Talked about why I missed Day 547, then got busy and didn’t record Day 549 despite doing all the habits. Decided on daily minimums and next shelves for all my habits - will write about them soon. Writing is getting good now that I have established my daily minimum in my head - it is really getting automatic. Often times I’ll sit down and bring up my work files when not really wanting to. This is really good and a big thing in my writing practice - will write about this more in detail as well. I did a Tabata today, and I’m curious how this will affect my regimentation tomorrow.

Day 548

Day 548 Record Keeping (68)
Day 517 Fixed Meditation
Day 463 Bodyweight Exercise (1x8 bent knee inverted rows - 68)
Day 390 Writing (59)
Day 563 Eating (77)
Bad sleep, bad wakeup. Feeling depleted. Fixed meditation is all over the place - I don’t really have a “next phase” so I’m sort’ve floundering in practice. Bought a meditation cushion which may help with bodily pain during meditation. Writing was good today, eating has been excellent. Set up my chin up bar and started doing bent knee inverted rows.

Day 546 & Theorizing on Springiness in Mastery Cycling

Day 546 Record Keeping (67)
Day 515 Fixed Meditation
Day 461 Bodyweight Exercise (5 rounds, bodyweight tabata - 62)
Day 388 Writing (60)
Day 561 Eating (71)
Bad sleep, bad wakeup. Feeling good. Changed up my schedule again so that I did writing first, then exercises, then the rest of it. I have some nervous energy in my system from writing anyways. Also started incorporating tabatas. Ideally I’d like to do a pushing exercise, a pulling exercise, and core exercises to my routine. I think that would be a really solid routine to get good progress - and I’d consider mastery of that sequence throughout the week as a solid shelf to rest my practice.

Theorizing on Springiness in Mastery Cycling
Yesterday I talked about the extremes of depletion and vortex forces. I was thinking - is there any way to capitalize on this?

After starting a new routine where I’m pushing a habit towards mastery I get depleted, stressed, and depressed. After about a week I get a burst of energy and want to do a lot (vortex forces). There is definitely a feeling of springiness, where the equilibrium of the system reacts to a new endurance load. It makes sense that this takes time, especially since in my theory, endurance is willpower across time.

So - When vortex forces kick in, is it possible to use that subtlety in the process to do more?

My initial reaction is to say no (though I think it’s important to mull it over). Doing more work isn’t the point, it’s doing more work over time that reaps the greatest rewards. My thoughts are that cultivating a sense of satisfaction - knowing that I’m done completely with the day might be more effective to stave off that feeling of needing to do more.

As Lydia said today, I’m the type of person who will get into a groove, then get depressed because I’m not doing enough. I might as well be working even though I’m not - and the end point in my mind just doesn’t end. She heavily suggests doing something - a relaxation routine, or a reward - to signify a relaxation point. 

But it brings up other issues - since I haven’t yet meticulously recorded a mastery cycle, at what point is right to start doing more? My hunch is that it’s never going to get to that point. There’s going to be less energy at first, then more, and then it’s going to level out. There isn’t a time to do more, per se, but there is a time to switch habits to work on, or continue on another growth cycle, once a shelf  - where a habit can safely rest - is reached.

For example, I haphazardly started bodyweight exercises long ago. At some point doing 2 pushups a day transitioned to doing two typewriter pushups - and that’s solid. I’m currently working on going from 50 words of anything to a bit of work related writing tasks - and that’s a hard transition. 

My hunch is that during this period automaticity goes down because you’ve essentially shifted what constitutes completion of a habit - and often enough you’re also switching the order of your daily regimentation. Completion of the growth cycle is marked when the SRHI scores stop dipping and go back up.

I really want to start focusing on these subtleties because I don’t believe anyone else is talking about them, and I believe it’s one of the keys to successful self mastery.

Day 545 & Between Scylla and Charybdis

Day 545 Record Keeping (63)
Day 514 Fixed Meditation 
Day 460 Bodyweight Exercise (7 typewriter pushups - 60)
Day 387 Writing (56)
Day 560 Eating (72)
Good sleep, good wakeup. Feeling good.


Per my previous protocol, I’ve dropped recording the SRHI for fixed meditation because I maintained an 80 or above in it for a week, giving it superhabit status. As an aside meditation has been going well. Last night I started meditating (I’ve been doing this  more and more often lately) vipassana style. I found myself getting into this solid groove of letting thoughts flow without clinging, and it started to feel really good. Just as though I was entering first jhana.

Lydia has been reading about this more than I have lately, and Daniel Ingram does mention that you can enter first jhana through vipassana. I’m liking how a lot of his book reflects my personal experience after the fact, for items I didn’t read clearly or just skimmed over. It makes me feel like I’m making solid progress.

When I meditate I often don’t really want to go through with it - but that first initial repulsion is overwhelmed by the solid habit of just getting into position. Once I start it starts happening. That’s exactly what I’ve been feeling the last couple of days with writing. Thinking about the nitty gritty I immediately don’t want to do it, but I find myself just walking to my chair sitting down, and setting up my next writing task. That’s exactly where I want habits to be, especially ones I’m pushing - I’m never going to like the pain involved, but I’m not thinking about that - I’m mechanically and habitually getting set up, and the rest flows. This has clearly resulted in a higher score in the SRHI which I think will continue.

Eating has been amazing - it really clicked this weekend, as  I had some old college friends visit. Despite going out and having dinner, I was on autopilot, ignoring the bad foods and eating the solid ones. That’s also resulted in a very high score on the SRHI, and that’s exactly where I want that habit to be.

Between Scylla and Charybdis

I feel a lot better about my habits. Last weeks depression has fallen away, as predictable. It feels like it regularly takes a week or two for that strain to fade. The opposite is what I’m feeling now - the urge to do more. 

Having more latent energy makes me want to expand my exercises, expand my writing, expand my meditation…This is dangerous. 

It’s like Scylla and Charybdis in Ulysses.  Scylla was a monster, Charybdis was a whirlpool, and ships had to figure out how to navigate the Strait of Messina without being torn to pieces. This metaphor is particularly apt because I’ve described this scenario before as a battle of two forces that threaten to rip a part progress in this project. Too much depletion, and you don’t want to do anything. Too much energy, and the internal urge to do more overextends your willpower/endurance/grit.

Ulysses survived with few losses by choosing Scylla, I can’t afford the losses and must choose to angle my ship precisely in between the two dangers.

Lydia said something interesting today. “Now that you have done what you need to do, your job is to be satisfied.”

There’s a lot of wisdom and skill in that statement. It means sacrificing sudden momentary swaths of gains for long term steady progress, which is the heart of this entire project, yet so difficult to remember when in the thrall of vortex forces.

It is very interesting how these emotional urges play out time wise….it’s something I need to pay closer attention to.

Day 542 & How Mastery Can Adversely Affect Habit

Day 542 Record Keeping (52)
Day 511 Fixed Meditation (80)
Day 457 Bodyweight Exercise (6 typewriter pushups - 65)
Day 384 Writing (53)
Day 557 Eating (65)
Good sleep, ok wakeup. Depressed.

How Mastery Can Adversely Affect Habit
I’ve lately been noticing how my once absolutely rock solid superhabits have become torn lose by pushing for mastery. But what’s even more interesting on closer inspection is how day-to-day the techniques I use to push mastery interfere with the solidity of habits.

Take for example my recent run. I’ve been meditating every morning after getting up from bed, and after my recent hiatus from recording, I’ve got this as my daily SRHI for fixed meditation:

image

Looks awesome at first. I continue with my normal course of meditating right after waking up. So I’m scoring perfectly. Mid-way through the week I decide to switch up my schedule. Why? Because I’m pushing writing, and after I do my meditation, I feel drained to really do my writing habit.

It makes sense, from a mastery perspective, to switch up my schedule to do writing first. But as you can plainly see, this has caused turbulence in my SRHI scores for meditation later on in the week. 

If I look into the actual SRHI test, I notice that it’s the automaticity questions that are really getting me. I can’t honestly say it’s automatic, because the habit has been pegged to the mornings. When I do my writing, THEN meditate, there’s something off. It’s not automatic, I have to think about it.

This is all ok at this level - my meditation has only gone down a few points, and I”m sure it’ll level out. But for other less solid habits this can cause serious problems down the road. 

My writing habit, which was incredibly strong, has fallen a part specifically because of hard knocks from another vector - just pushing the habit. Eating has always been unstable because it’s not pegged to anything, it’s a floating habit. 

I have a feeling that skillfully dealing with these protuberances are at the heart of success in this entire project.

Day 540

Day 540 Record Keeping (66)
Day 509 Fixed Meditation (83)
Day 455 Bodyweight Exercise (5 typewriter pushups - 70)
Day 382 Writing (56)
Day 555 Eating (63)
Ok sleep, ok wakeup. Depressed a lot of the day. My routine is still un-fluid - I’m still battling jet lag and moving time zones - sleep cycle is really off. Despite that I’m working with these habits. Changing my schedule so the hardest task - writing - was first is really a good thing. It just feels so much easier. 

I’m thinking that I might have to change up schedules like this anytime I’m really pushing a skill towards mastery.